Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Friday, April 1, 2011

A cold Thursday night, a boy is left in a Weribee car-park waiting for his mother to pick him up. 
With no answer from her phone, he is left to call her work colleague and on-again off-again lover. 

Ring-ring. Ring ring. 

"Hello. Jennifer Aniston speaking."

"Hi Jen. It's Jim."


"Oh hey Jim. What's up?"

"Um. Have you seen Mum?"

"No. I haven't... I'm in New York."



"Is everything ok?"





"Jen. You're getting your pauses all wrong."

"Sorry. I'm drunk"

"Oh mannn. Jen. I can't have one fucking conversation with you where I can't smell fucking piss on your breath. YOU HAVE A PROBLEM!"

"Look. What's the matter, you whining queer? You can't even smell over phucking phones m8."

"Oh. My. God.
You monster."

"I'm sorry. That just slipped out."

"(Sob sob sob)"

"Look. Jim. I have a drinking problem. I know. I AM SORRY."


"Ok. Well. Acknowledging is the first step to recovering."

"Now what's your problem?" 

"Oh forget it."


"No Jennifer. You stay away from me. You beast. Ever since you made Marley and Me, you've been an outright hussy to me!"

"Excuse me!? I bought you a Tiffany's charm braclet!"

"Yes Jen. But you hurt me. You. Hurt. ME. Tiffany's can't heal a broken man."

"You call yourself a man?"

"I have to go."

"Oh I bet you do, you chutney ferret."