Monday, February 28, 2011

yeah. thnx m8. i don't need a fucking rd sign for fucking dip. thnx a fucking lot m8.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Goodbye Walker St. Goodbye my beloved Peter and Monique. 
Hello Coburg. Hi mum. Hi dad. Hi pets. Hi fridge with double doors. 





On a tuesday night, Jim dials the international code on his Nokia E51 to contact his father in a foreign country. Ring-ring. Ring-ring!



"Namaste Salaam. You have reached the phone interchange for international phone calls. How may I help you today or tonight?"

"Hi I am making an international call to my father who is on a business trip overseas. Could you connect me to him please?"

"I can mam. Where is it that your father is staying and what is his contact number?'

"Sorry. It's sir, not mam. He is in China, and the number is 6667778883999449"

"..."

"Sorry, are you there?"

"Namaste, I am sorry. I was sidetracked. I will put you throught to him. Pleasant day to you mam."

"Sir."

Beep boop boop beep weeeeer eerrrrr weee reeer



"Hello, Bill speaking."

"Bill! It's Jim!"

"..."

"Jimmy! James! Me."

"Hello? Sorry I don't know who this is!"

"ME dad! It's me!"

"Oh hi there. How are you?"

"I am good! I got a check for chlamydia today."

"..."

"..."

"Ah haha."

"Look. Whatever you're calling for, can you pls make it brief."

"Oh. Ok."

"..." 

"Just wanted to say heyyy"

"Right m8. How's your mum?"

"Fuckin bitch! I tell you what. I just want to live my own life already, but she keeps treating me like a big baby! Daddy, I am older now! I smoked a bong yesterday!"

"Um ok. Don't know why you are telling me this. I am in an Italian Piazza in Holland with my new girlfriend, Cherita. She's a Bolivian travel agent." 

"Dad. I'm gay."

"..."

"I know. You told me already."

"Oh. Ok."

"..."

"I have to go now. Modern Family is on"

"Bye" 

"..."

"..."

Beep boop boop beep weeeeer eerrrrr weee reeer

"..." 

"Ogenki desu-ka, sir. How may I help you?"

"No help necessary. Thank you and Goodbye."



Thursday, February 24, 2011

Happy Whippets

Hi thar. So I was walking down fucking Walker St (Ommah gowd. Irony? Yeah I fucking this so, stinky-dicks). Anyway there was a beautiful middle aged woman wearing a Kathmandu polar fleece zip-up fest, and she looked fucking hot as.

But that's all beside the point. What caught my eye was that she was coming back from walking her grey and white whippet. THE FUCKING WHIPPET WAS FUCKING WAGGING ITS TAIL AND LOOKING REAL FUCKING PLEASED WITH ITSELF.

Those fucking dogs are always shit scared little mongrels. I donnah get this phenomenon m8. 


"Happy Birthday! I AM happy afterall!" 

"HI! We come up when you type "Happy greyhounds" into Google Images. I guess that's what we are then, right?!" 

"Hi. I have a muzzle on my dead face. Am I dead? Hey. My muzzle looks like a men's jelly sandal! They sell them at Fat now. So cool."

"I am content in my ranko-synthetic dog coat. Look how perky my ears are! Just like my nipples."

"I am happy greyhound. This is relevant to this blog."

"This is my owner. We are happy." Fuck off m8.

Novelty m8. 

Yeah. Whatever. Fuck off m8.



Tuesday, February 22, 2011

fucking exposing myself m8


Dear readers, 
Today I will leave you with a few pages from my most intimate diary. Below you will find deeply moving extracts that discuss my need to do poos, and other things. Thank you, my most ever faithful reader. Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox


xooxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
 M88888

________ 

My genius idea for a remake of Tolkein's whatever-it-was-called book. F-U-C-K-I-N OATH M8888888!!!1111!!!

________

 Just some average homo-erotic collage you find in your average homo's hipster-dairy. Fuck off m8.